If you have read any of my previous blogs or seen any posts on my social media you will know that 2022 has been a rough year. It has been a huge year of learning. Trying to learn and understand people, trying to understand why things happen they way they do. Trying to pick up the pieces of blown up plans. Trying to fill a hole from the loss of people who I just knew would be around for the long haul. Trying to understand why the people you trust the most, hurt you the worst. Trying to raise an almost teenage daughter and all the wonderful mood swings that brings (oh and I know it is only going to get worse).
Yet the hardest part of it all has been trying to figure it out alone. Granted, I have my wonderful family that supports me and I am super lucky to have them, but I think we can all agree that it isn’t the same.
Being alone and doing life alone, is probably one of the scariest/hardest things, for me anyway. I have a couple theories on this, but we will save that rabbit hole for another day. Being alone is a journey that I need to take.
For years and years society/movies/parents/books have all told us, go to school, get married, and have a family. What happens when that isn’t the norm for you? What happens when you have tried so hard for so long and it never seems to work? What happens if you decided to break the norm?
Something that I learned a little late in life but, you are truly the only person that can make yourself happy. Happiness, what does that look like, what does that feel like? What does it look like for you?
For me, to truly discover happiness, I have started writing down the times I feel joy, the times I am happy. To know and understand that happiness doesn’t come from a single person but from moments in time spent with people you care about or things that make you laugh and bring you joy.
- Ice skating with Mattie was one of the best things I have done in a long time. The joy it brought her and the laughs that we shared, pure happiness.
- The random working group texts that I get that have me rolling with laughter. (Shout out to my Amarillo/San Angelo peeps). That brings laughter into my life which brings joy and happiness.
- Watching Mattie sing her little heart out every morning on the way to school like she is a bad ass, makes me wonder why I missed so many morning drop offs this year.
- Sitting on the beach with my toes in the sand, watching and listening to the washes crash in, that fills my soul.
I am slowly learning that it is the little things that brings us the most joy. Not a person, not love, although I am quite sure both of those add to the happiness list in some form or fashion. But it is the little moments in time that mean the most. I also started a gratitude list, every morning I list five things from the day before that I am thankful or grateful for. I heard this on the Rachel Hollis podcast, but this enables you to start looking for the good. Once you start looking for the good, that is all you will start to see.
So, while I am counting down the remaining days of 2022, I am also really excited about 2023 and the blessings it will bring. It will be full of adventure, happiness, joy, and laughter. We all have hard seasons in life, but to be honest, I have had about enough of mine. So I am choosing joy. I am choosing kindness this next year. I am choosing to make new friends. I am choosing to find happiness every single day.
Most of all, I hope Mattie sees a happy mama. One that through it all, has never given up. I hope she sees that with hard work, your dreams really are possible.
2022, I know we have a few more weeks, but it’s been real, and not really fun, and now you have to go. No more tears, no more questions, no more wondering, just finding joy in each day. Loving my journey for all the ups and downs because without it, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Checking into 2023 mode begins now.
As always, share some love, we could all use a little more love