To My Heart – Mattie Moo

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This blog post has been weighing on my heart for some time now.  I have written it probably a 1,000 times in my head and it still isn’t and will never be perfect enough for you.  You were the game changer for me, the life changer, the, I wanted something more for you changer.  Words could never describe the feelings I have for you, but I will try. This is for you Mattie Moo.

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I remember it just like it was yesterday, the first time I felt you move.  At that moment things begin to change.  You were more than just a heartbeat, you were a real person.  From the first time I saw your squishy head fly past me to when we left the hospital, I knew it was going to be me and you kiddo and that it would always be me and you.

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It wasn’t always easy although you were an angel of a baby.  I was back to work before you could blink and you were off to daycare.  It was hard being without you the majority of the days and weekends but sometimes those were the sacrifices I had to make.  Sometimes you have to do what needs to be done and that included working.  I have to thank your grandparents (both sets) because, without them, we would be lost.

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I remember the first steps you took and when you finally decided to grow hair.  The thing I miss the most is holding and rocking you to sleep.  I still get snuggles for now, but I know those won’t last forever.  I made a big decision and we moved towns and I went back to school full time.  I know things for you can be different at times and I know you may not always understand but I hope one day you do.  The things I do, I do for you.  I want you to see the passion and desires I have to follow my dreams.  I want you to know that your dreams are possible and to never give up.

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You are the most loving, the kindest, and the most caring kid I know.  You have the sweetest soul and your love for Jesus, animals, and people shines through you.  Please don’t lose that.  Life is going to be tough but just know that you can make it through anything and I will be right there with you along the way.

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You never seem to amaze me with your infectious belly laugh and your toothless grin.  Keep being you Mattie and never lose that. I have heard that children in heaven actually pick their parents out before-hand.  If that is the case or if God chose me, I am so thankful for that.  You teach me things every day and we learn how to “tackle” life together.  I love you sweetheart and I always will.  Don’t lose your faith in God or me because together we can make it through anything.  You are about to turn another year older and get another year wiser, just know you will always be my baby.  I love you Mattie Moo.

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From Mommy to Mom…

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Today was a big day.  My not so little kiddo started 1st grade today.   How can she possibly be going into 1st grade?  How can she almost be 7?  They say time travels fast and this is very true. I do not think you realize how fast until one day you turn around and your baby is not a baby anymore.  When one day she starts calling you mom instead of mommy because well “I’m almost seven now and I am like a grown up”.

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All parents think their kids are amazing and I think Mattie is as well.  She is one of the sweetest people I know.  She is kind and loyal with a heart full of love.  She loves me with all her heart despite my flaws and failures.  She has grown up in a little bit of a different situation than most, but she has blossomed.  While she may not understand now, one day she will.  I hope that she knows that she is the reason I push to be successful.  The reason I went back to school not once but twice.  I want her to be able to see that you can accomplish your dreams if you just keep working at it.

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Mattie had a great day for her first day.  While she was a little nervous at first but then proceeded to get excited.  We walked in together and I dropped her off at her class with her new teacher.  I do believe that neither one of us shed any tears. We got to finish the first day with our annual 1st-day tradition, ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery.  Today, she decided to try chocolate with a kit-kat, then proceeded to eat mine!

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I got to spend some time this weekend with my Meme and Papa.  It is not every day you get to cook with four generations in the kitchen.  When four people have four different ways of doing things, things can get hectic, but I loved every minute of it.  Family time, I have learned to love it and am so thankful for the time I get.

As always share some love, the world could use a little more love.