Today is supposed to be an exciting day. A fresh start to the new semester. Tackling yet another semester of college. Now don’t get me wrong, I am excited about progressing toward my end goal, but right now it feels like I am a snail slowly making that progress. I signed up for Graduate school because I wanted to accomplish one of my goals. I wanted the chance or opportunity to hopefully land a better job. I wanted to continue to learn because I felt behind since I did not grow up in the agricultural industry. I wanted more time to figure out what exactly it was that I wanted to do. It is crazy how over the last 5 years, my whole life plans have changed dramatically. I am thankful for those changes, even though some may be scary at times. I can feel myself developing and getting more in tune with what I enjoy and hope to do one day.
I still hit those brick walls though, wondering if this is the right thing to be doing. Wondering if I am wasting my time. Wondering if this will ever benefit Mattie. Thinking, do I really have another four years of school in me if I want to pursue my Ph.D.? So many questions with so many different answers and outcomes. Torn between wanting just a simple life and making a difference in people’s life.
As I am running these questions through my head, I know the answer to each and every one of them. It is accepting those answers that may be hard to do at times. I know God has a plan for me and I know I have to trust him. Handing the reigns over to Someone who you have been distant with lately is not an easy task to do. Sometimes we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of things that we forget about the important things. I know I do. I know I should spend more time praying and less time wondering. More time trusting and less time questioning. It can be a struggle at times. Moving two steps forward just to take one step backward. Life is hard at times, but I also know life can be rewarding. You just have to learn to trust the process.
I hope everyone has a fabulous week, whether that be at school or work or living the retired life. I hope you get to do what you love and enjoy every minute of it. Cheers to a new semester, one semester closer to accomplishing yet another one of my goals.